Shattering emptiness

Tailored faithfully to the outline of my insecurities

I began to feel as though I hated myself from the springtime of my adolescence,

When treacherous thoughts would engulf me, when my emotions weighed too heavily,

When every response turned into an endless spiral.

My own soul seemed to speak in an indecipherable language,

The moonbeams were the only ones that could touch it.

The surrounding sun burned me, angst consumed me,

Whereas inside, a shattering emptiness,

An eternal void hosted by the lack of connection.

Outwardly, nothing seemed amiss, the mine of suffering was hidden from the world’s eyes,

But in the midst of the storm, it exploded.

The lightning bolts were tailored faithfully to the outline of my insecurities,

The butterflies of my youth were thus driven away.

It’s not about any other enemy, no one is attacking me, my fiercest adversary

Is myself.

I tried to scream, the voice of my soul echoed against its own walls,

I tried to cry bitter tears, they were shaking the foundation of my being,

I tried to shut myself away, I lost myself in the cave of my spirit.

The heart’s screams fell silent,

The tears evaporated,

The door to my inner self bolted.

Original version (Romanian)

Am inceput sa simt ca ma urasc din primaverile adolescentei,

Atunci cand gandurile perfide ma inghiteau, cand trairile apasau prea puternic,

Cand orice replica se transforma intr-o spirala fara sfarsit.

Propriul suflet parea ca vorbeste intr-o limba indescifrabila,

Razele lunii erau singurele care il puteau atinge.

Soarele din jur ma ardea, angoasa ma consuma,

Iar pe dinauntru un gol nimicitor,

Un void etern gazduit de lipsa conexiunii.

In exterior, nimic suspect, mina de suferinta era ferita de ochii lumii,

Insa in mijlocul furtunii, exploda.

Trasnetele erau croite fidel dupa alura nesigurantelor mele,

Fluturii anilor tineretii erau astfel goniti.

Nu e despre alt inamic, nu ma ataca nimeni, cel mai aprig adversar

Sunt chiar eu.

Am incercat sa strig, vocea sufletului se lovea de proprii pereti,

Am incercat sa plang cu lacrimi amare, temelia fiintei o surpau,

Am incercat sa ma inchid in mine, m-am pierdut in pestera spiritului.

Urletele inimii au amutit,

Lacrimile s-au evaporat,

Usa sinelui s-a ferecat.

Pinterest

Hello lovely people, this one is a more personal poem, about some lingering feelings that have followed me up until now, but luckily softened meantime.

If you have gone through this burden, of your mind working against you and feeling like your light slowly fades, I just want you to know that you are not alone in this, one step at a time, we can certainly overcome the hardships, strength and hope are our wonderful superpowers.

If you have any thoughts you’d like to share, I’ll be more than happy to read them in the comments, take care of your beautiful souls, with love, Elena <3