When treacherous thoughts would engulf me, when my emotions weighed too heavily,

When every response turned into an endless spiral.

My own soul seemed to speak in an indecipherable language,

The moonbeams were the only ones that could touch it.

The surrounding sun burned me, angst consumed me,

Whereas inside, a shattering emptiness,

An eternal void hosted by the lack of connection.

Outwardly, nothing seemed amiss, the mine of suffering was hidden from the world’s eyes,

But in the midst of the storm, it exploded.

The lightning bolts were tailored faithfully to the outline of my insecurities,

The butterflies of my youth were thus driven away.

It’s not about any other enemy, no one is attacking me, my fiercest adversary

Is myself.

I tried to scream, the voice of my soul echoed against its own walls,

I tried to cry bitter tears, they were shaking the foundation of my being,

I tried to shut myself away, I lost myself in the cave of my spirit.

The heart’s screams fell silent,

The tears evaporated,

The door to my inner self bolted.

Original version (Romanian)

Am inceput sa simt ca ma urasc din primaverile adolescentei,

Atunci cand gandurile perfide ma inghiteau, cand trairile apasau prea puternic,

Cand orice replica se transforma intr-o spirala fara sfarsit.

Propriul suflet parea ca vorbeste intr-o limba indescifrabila,

Razele lunii erau singurele care il puteau atinge.

Soarele din jur ma ardea, angoasa ma consuma,

Iar pe dinauntru un gol nimicitor,

Un void etern gazduit de lipsa conexiunii.

In exterior, nimic suspect, mina de suferinta era ferita de ochii lumii,

Insa in mijlocul furtunii, exploda.

Trasnetele erau croite fidel dupa alura nesigurantelor mele,

Fluturii anilor tineretii erau astfel goniti.

Nu e despre alt inamic, nu ma ataca nimeni, cel mai aprig adversar

Sunt chiar eu.

Am incercat sa strig, vocea sufletului se lovea de proprii pereti,

Am incercat sa plang cu lacrimi amare, temelia fiintei o surpau,

Am incercat sa ma inchid in mine, m-am pierdut in pestera spiritului.

Urletele inimii au amutit,

Lacrimile s-au evaporat,

Usa sinelui s-a ferecat.

Hello lovely people, this one is a more personal poem, about some lingering feelings that have followed me up until now, but luckily softened meantime.

If you have gone through this burden, of your mind working against you and feeling like your light slowly fades, I just want you to know that you are not alone in this, one step at a time, we can certainly overcome the hardships, strength and hope are our wonderful superpowers.

If you have any thoughts you’d like to share, I’ll be more than happy to read them in the comments, take care of your beautiful souls, with love, Elena <3

You slowly destroy yourself,
You break your soul,
Your mind is in chains,
And felicity in syringes;

You throw yourself into the abyss,
The darkness seduces you,
You bear all the burden,
Your thoughts are dry;

Your feelings are in ecstasy,
Your cheeks are rosy,
Your enchanted pond,
Plunges you into trouble;

A nightmare too real,
A completely ideal delirium,
A radical tumult,
A colossal conflict;

Torture masked in paradise,
A theater scene from a dream,
A compromise for euphoria,
Of conscience and closed spirit;

A captivating demon,
A tempting dance,
A seductive thought,
An incriminating offence;

An innocent intention,
A deep inspiration,
An uncontrolled exhalation,
A sinful pretension;

A terrible ordeal,
In disguised tartarus,
Thousands of ideas arise,
With a bizarre air;

The mind is impoverished in torture,
Infused with fierce venom,
But the sky of essence is clear,
Omitting the thorn of darkness;

When you wake up from your mirage, 
The withdrawal hits you like a thunderbolt,
Suddenly fate takes a turn,
Towards a deep chasm dominated by blockage;

For a dose of dopamine,
You sacrifice your complete peace,
Cigarette ash like a mine,
Towards a realm of serotonin;

But you only postpone your pain,
You drown your suffering in pleasure,
Which at some point disappears,
And then tears of salt remain;

The agony is quickly amplified,
By a counterfeit harmony:
With lips of ice you are kissed,
By a silent loss of self;

The purity of your being is intact,
Just waiting to be liberated.
Caught in the clutches of needles,
You cry out for help desperately;

But the fairies with human faces,
Driven by kindness and affection,
Choose the moment for a miracle,
To dispel your bitterness;

Poisoned by gloomy thoughts,
Your vision is blurred by shadows,
Of the dark experiences of the past,
And you do not notice the saving light;

They exist and always watch over you,
They pave your way and guide you,
Just allow them, they do not defy you,
But free you from the spell of the trap;

Open your eyes and the gates of your heart,
And you will find that the seraphim are near:
Art, nature, love, and the splendor of the world,
As well as the magnanimity of family and friends;

Original poem (Romanian)

Tu incet te distrugi,
Sufletul ti-l frangi,
Mintea ti-e in chingi,
Si fericirea in seringi;

In abis te arunci,
Negura o seduci,
Tot greul il duci,
Gandurile-s seci;

Simtirea-i in extaz,
Trandafiriu in obraz,
Al tau fermecat iaz,
Te afunda in necaz;

Un cosmar prea real,
Un delir complet ideal,
Un tumult radical,
Un conflict colosal;

Tortura mascata in paradis,
Scena de teatru dintr-un vis,
Pentru euforie un compromis,
Al constiintei si spiritului inchis;

Un demon acaparator,
Un dans ispititor,
Un gand ademenitor,
Un delict incriminator;

O nevinovata intentie,
O adanca inspiratie,
O necontrolata expiratie,
O pacatoasa pretentie;

O fulgeratoare iluzie,
O nesecata impresie,
O amara concluzie,
O blestemata feerie;

Un cumplit calvar,
In deghizat tartar,
Mii de idei rasar,
Cu un aer bizar;

Cugetu-i saracit in chin,
Impanzit cu aprig venin,
Dar cerul esentei e senin,
Omite al intunericului spin;

Cand te trezesti dintr-al tau miraj, 
Te loveste ca un trasnet un sevraj,
Dintr-odata soarta coteste cu un viraj,
Spre un hau adanc dominat de blocaj;

Pentru o doza de dopamina,
Iti sacrifici pacea deplina,
Scrum de tigara ca o mina,
Spre un taram de serotonina;

Insa doar amani a ta durere,
Iti ineci suferinta in placere,
Care la un moment dat piere,
Si apoi raman lacrimi de sare;

Agonia e rapid amplificata,
De o armonie contrafacuta:
Cu buze de gheata te saruta,
O pierdere a sinelui tacuta;

Puritatea fiintei tale e intacta,
Asteapta doar sa fie eliberata.
De ghearele acelor insfacata,
Striga dupa ajutor disperata;

Insa zanele cu chip de persoane,
Manate de bunatate si afectiune,
Aleg momentul pentru o minune,
Care sa alunge a ta amaraciune;

Otravita de gandurile sumbre,
Vederea ti-e blurata de umbre,
Ale trecutului experiente negre,
Si nu observi lumina salvatoare;

Ele exista si mereu te vegheaza,
Iti croiesc drumul si te ghideaza,
Numai sa le permiti, nu te sfideaza,
Ci din vraja capcanei te elibereaza;

Deschide-ti privirea si portile inimii,
Si vei afla ca aproape sunt serafimii:
Arta, natura, iubirea si splendoarea lumii,
Precum si a familiei si prietenilor marinimii;